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To Buy WOW items from …

11月 27th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

To Buy WOW items from an item seller on the Internet is one way to get that hard to find weapon or armor. Sometimes you can spend days searching in WOW looking for a certain item that you need to defeat a particular enemy and come up empty handed.

The WOW items being sold on the web are from actual players who either sell a wow item to get some extra cash for the real world or by professional gamers who make their living playing WOW .

NOTE: Most supplies have stop selling wow items directly. Instead they offer Honor Powerleveling services which enable you to gain enough honors to barter for the items or weapons you might want or you can buy gold and purchase the items you want through the auction house. These methods have proven to be the most cost effective and efficient for most players.

Core Hounds: This bad boy is also an anti-caster. The anti-caster for exoitc pets. His Lava Breath ability slows down the enemy’s casting speed by 50% for 10 seconds. The attack is only bringing a 10 second cooldown so privded you have the focus power, you can keep that pesky healer or nuker only sitting at 50% cast speed ALL THE TIME. Great for PVP! It’s a Ferocity pet so it’s not meant to take loads of damage and stands out in raiding! So with this one pet you’ve got two different options, also his Ferocity talents give him lots of self-healing options as well. All around can’t fail.

Well there are two viable options. You can buy World of Warcraft gold, or you can learn to earn massive amounts of gold yourself! Ordering gold is certainly becoming very popular given the many online gold sellers out there, but this option comes with two key problems, cost and legality. To successfully play at the high levels of World of Warcraft you will need to buy more and more gold which can add up costing big bucks very fast. Also “buying gold is illegal”, and may result in your account being banned by Blizzard or even hacked by the gold seller! Either way you lose! So that being said, there is only one real option, to learn to farm your own gold, “legally”, as you play.
To Buy WOW items from an item seller on the Internet is one way to get that hard to find weapon or armor. Sometimes you can spend days searching in WOW looking for a certain item that you need to defeat a particular enemy and come up empty handed.

The WOW items being wow gold sold on the web are from actual players who either sell a wow item to get some extra cash for the real wow power leveling world or by professional wow gold world of warcraft gold gamers who make their living playing WOW .

NOTE: Most supplies have stop selling wow items directly. Instead they offer Honor Powerleveling services which enable you to gain enough honors to barter for the items or weapons you might want or you can buy gold wow gold and purchase the items you want through the auction house. These methods have proven to be the most cost effective and efficient for most players.

Core Hounds: This bad boy is also an wow power leveling anti-caster. The anti-caster for exoitc pets. His Lava Breath ability slows down the enemy’s casting speed by 50% wow gold for 10 seconds. world of warcraft gold The attack is only bringing a 10 second cooldown so privded you have the focus power, you can keep that pesky healer or nuker only sitting at 50% cast speed ALL THE TIME. Great for PVP! It’s a Ferocity pet so it’s not meant to take loads of damage and stands out in raiding! So with this one pet you’ve got two different options, also his Ferocity talents give him lots of self-healing options as well. world of warcraft gold All around can’t fail.

Well there are two viable options. You can buy World of Warcraft gold, or you can wow gold learn to earn massive amounts of gold yourself! Ordering gold is certainly becoming very popular given the many wow power leveling online gold sellers out there, but this option comes with two key problems, cost and legality. To successfully play at the high levels of World of Warcraft wow gold you will need to buy more and more gold which can add up costing big bucks very fast. Also “buying gold is illegal”, and may result in your account being banned by Blizzard or even hacked by the gold seller! Either way you lose! So that being said, there is only one real option, to learn to farm your own gold, “legally”, as you play.

Posted in 未分類 | 51 Comments »

The Net is SlowOh, the …

11月 27th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

The Net is Slow

Oh, the network outside is frightful,

But on campus, it’s so delightful,

Our packets have nowhere to go,

Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

It doesn’t show signs of stopping,

All our packets, our hosts are dropping;

Bandwidth is turned way down low,

Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

When we finally connect to a site,

It’s time to go back to the dorm;

But if I could stay here all night,

I could submit their Web form.

The network is slowly dying,

And, I fear, we’re still denying,

But as long as Sprint is the way to go,

Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

Lights not burning too bright.

Like a barometer — vacuum at the top.

Like a loose-leaf folder in winter.

Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.

Likes dunking for french fries.

Little red choo-choo’s gone chugging ’round the bend / jumped the track.

Lives in La-la-land.

Lives in the same world, but a different universe.

Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.

Long on dry wall, short on studs.

Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.

Looks for the “Any” key.

Loose chip on the microprocessor board.

Loose wire to his headset/ringer.

Low on thinking gas.

The Net is Slow
Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it’s so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

When we finally connect to a site,
It’s time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.

The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we’re still denying,
But as long as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

Lights not burning too bright.
Like a barometer — vacuum at the top.
Like a loose-leaf folder in winter.
Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.
Likes dunking for french fries.
Little red choo-choo’s gone chugging ’round the bend / jumped the track.
Lives in wow gold La-la-land.
Lives in the same world, but a different universe. wow gold
Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
Long on wow power leveling dry wall, short on studs.
Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.
Looks for the “Any” key.
Loose chip on the microprocessor board.
Loose wire to his headset/ringer.
Low on thinking gas.

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Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were …

11月 27th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.

He said “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.”

“Donations!” I said, “How much you got so far?”

He said “about ten gallons.”

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

“I know,” said the Branch Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”

“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”

“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”

“They’re Carol’s.”

Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.
He said “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.”
“Donations!” I said, “How much you got so far?”
He said “about ten gallons.”
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world of warcraft gold

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along wow gold the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the Branch Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and wow gold we can be on our way.”
“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”
“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. wow gold On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out wow gold a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”
“They’re Carol’s.”

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Posted in 未分類 | 90 Comments »

Q: How many journalists does it …

11月 27th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.

Q: How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Five-one to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

Q: How many GLC workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Four. One to do it and three to go round putting up posters announcing that the GLC, working for London, is going to change the lightbulb.

Q: How many city planners does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Six - four to write an extensive study recommending a three-way 100/200/250 watt light bulb, one to write an article in the newspaper praising the study, and one to put in a 10 watt blub instead.

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight’s concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don’t I?”

Q: How many gypsies does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.

Note: None because gypsies don’t have mains electricity, and the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies. You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the hallway lamp, pretty soon you have one less light bulb and the hallway lamp is still out.)

Q: How many Helmsley employees does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: 100: 99 to try, and one to fire them all.

Note: Leona Helmsley is the owner of a New York hotel who was a terrible person to work for. She fired employees at little or no provocation. She was so nasty to her employees that she was known as the “Queen of Mean”.)

Q: How many pot growers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, they use fluorescent bulbs instead.

Note: Fluorescent light is closer to natural sunlight than an incandescent bulb, so anyone using artificial light (which pot growers might do to keep their crops covered and safe from flying, prying eyes) to grow stuff would probably use fluorescent light rather than incandescent.

Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.

Q: How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five-one to write a review of all cheapest warhammer gold the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably cheapest warhammer gold similar one in another magazine the next month, a cheap warhammer online gold third to have buy warhammer gold a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth cheap warhammer online gold to hint in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

Q: How many GLC workers does it take to change buy warhammer gold a cheapest warhammer gold lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to do it and three to go round putting up posters announcing that the GLC, working for London, is going to change the lightbulb.

Q: How many city planners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six - four to write an extensive study recommending a three-way 100/200/250 watt light bulb, one to write an article in the newspaper praising the study, and one to put in a 10 watt blub warhammer online gold instead.

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns warhammer online gold to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of buy warhammer gold the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to cheapest warhammer gold a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my buy warhammer gold wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight’s concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house SEO buy warhammer gold has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement cheap warhammer online gold to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don’t I?”

Q: How many Warhammer gold gypsies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs. SEO

Note: None because gypsies don’t have mains electricity, and the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies. You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the hallway lamp, pretty soon SEO you have one less light bulb and the hallway lamp is still out.)

Q: How many Helmsley employees does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 100: 99 to try, and one to fire them all.
Note: Leona Helmsley is the owner of a New York hotel Warhammer gold who was a terrible person to work for. She fired employees at little or no provocation. She was so nasty to her employees that she was known as the “Queen of Mean”.)

Q: warhammer online gold How many pot cheapest warhammer gold growers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they use fluorescent bulbs instead.

Note: Fluorescent light Warhammer gold is closer to natural sunlight than an incandescent bulb, so anyone using artificial light (which pot growers might do to keep their crops covered and safe from flying, prying eyes) to grow stuff would probably use fluorescent light rather than incandescent.

Posted in 未分類 | 30 Comments »

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has …

11月 27th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. — H.L. Mencken

What’s new? Most of my wife.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. — Guitry

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.

Thinks male zebras are the ones with the black stripes.

Three chickens short of a henhouse.

Three miracles shy of being where he thinks he’s at.

Three-bag/coyote ugly. (Ask your mommy to explain.)

Throws his rod and reel off the bridge when casting.

Too dumb to be bothered when publically displaying her ignorance.

Too many birds on her antenna.

Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck.

Too many stop bits in his transmissions.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

Too pointless to even be called a pinhead.

Took the little bus to school.

Top paddock is full of rocks.

Toys in the attic.

Train of thought derailed / still boarding at the station.

Alphabet letters

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Noel, noel, noel, noel … the angels did say…

E.T. went home.

Get rid of X. There’s too many unknowns in the world already!

(Only one vowel left, or is that “Anly ana vawal laft” This may be stretching it a bit, but not unless you consider, as our good friends in Canada say: Good day, A!

And we all know that M&Ms melt in your mouth, so it’s safe to count them out.

And of course, Y not.

We might as well put off using U until later in the year: See U in September

TWA just took off!!

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx
We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and warhammer online money his children smart. — H.L. Mencken
What’s new? Most cheap warhammer online gold of my wife.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better Warhammer Power leveling revenge than to let him Warhammer Power leveling keep her. — Guitry
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
Why bother with marriage? Just cheap warhammer online gold find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
Wife: Warhammer gold The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control warhammer online money over his personal affairs.
You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.

Thinks male zebras are the ones with the black stripes.
Three chickens short of a henhouse.
Three miracles shy warhammer online gold of Warhammer gold being where he thinks he’s at.
Three-bag/coyote ugly. (Ask your mommy to explain.)
Throws his rod and reel off the bridge when casting.
Too dumb to be bothered when publically displaying her ignorance.
Too many birds on her antenna.
Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck.
Too many Warhammer Power leveling stop bits in his transmissions.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Too pointless to even be called a pinhead.
Took the little bus to school.
Top paddock is full of rocks.
Toys in the attic.
Train of thought derailed / still boarding at Warhammer Power leveling the station.

Alphabet letters
How many letters are there in the cheapest warhammer gold alphabet?
Noel, noel, noel, noel … buy warhammer gold the angels did say…
E.T. went home.
Get rid of warhammer online gold X. cheapest warhammer gold There’s too many unknowns in the world already!
(Only one vowel left, or is that “Anly ana vawal laft” This may buy warhammer gold be stretching it a bit, but not unless you consider, as our good friends in Canada say: Good day, A!
And we all know that M&Ms melt in your mouth, so it’s safe to count them out.
And of course, Y not.
We might as well put off using U until later in the year: See U in September
TWA just took off!!

Posted in 未分類 | 50 Comments »

Clovis’ Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly: The p…

11月 27th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

Clovis’ Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly: The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.

Cohn’s Law: The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

Colvard’s Logical Premises: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won’t.

Colvard’s Unconscionable Commentary: This is especially true when dealing with someone you’re attracted to.

Conway’s Law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what’s going on; this person must be fired. Corollaries: 1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don’t want to hear, will see it immediately.

Cooke’s Law: In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.

Correspondence Corollary: An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend,

“Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.”

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, “Did you mark that spot?”

His friend replied, “Yeah, I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of the boat.”

The first one said, “You stupid fool! What if we don’t get that same boat today!?!?”

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.

After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

Clovis’ Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly: The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.
Cohn’s Law: The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your warhammer online gold time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
Colvard’s Logical Premises: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won’t.
Colvard’s Unconscionable Commentary: This is warhammer online money especially true when dealing with someone you’re attracted to.
Conway’s Law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what’s going cheap warhammer online gold on; this person must be fired. Corollaries: 1. Nobody whom Warhammer gold you ask for help will see it. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don’t want to hear, will see it immediately.
Cooke’s Law: In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
Correspondence Corollary: An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.

Two friends rented a boat warhammer online gold and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught warhammer online gold 30 fish. One guy said to his friend,
“Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.”
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, “Did you mark that spot?”
His friend replied, “Yeah, I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of the boat.”
The first warhammer online gold one said, warhammer online money “You stupid fool! What if we don’t get warhammer powerleveling that same boat today!?!?”

During late spring one year, a blonde Warhammer gold was trying out her new boat. She was SEO unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that SEO someone there could identify her problem.
Workers determined that everything from the engine warhammer powerleveling to the cheap warhammer online gold outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the warhammer power leveling boat. So, a puzzled warhammer power leveling marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

Posted in 未分類 | 60 Comments »

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get ri…

11月 27th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn’t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.

Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, “Hey you, what are you doing?”

“I have to throw this away,” replied the tourist.

“You can’t throw it away here. Look, follow me,” the policeman offered.

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. “Here,” said the cop, “dump all the garbage you want.”

The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.

“Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?” asked the tourist.

“No. This is the American Embassy.”

If Microsoft Ran The IRS

“Government should be run like a business.” We’ve all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody’s favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).

– The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft’s example and actually ship them the following May.

– Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users’ group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.

– In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country’s intellectual property.

– When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices.

– When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then to 1040, you will pay an upgrade fee each time. Also you need to send in a new registration card and get a new Social Security Number. In order to upgrade, you have to submit the original first page of your previous year’s form.

– Like Microsoft, when you file a late or amended tax return the IRS will reject it on the grounds that the the prior year is no longer supported.

– The IRS telephone help will remain similar to Microsoft’s, staffed by ill-trained, high-turnover personnel who sometimes give a correct answer, but the IRS will have to discontinue using a toll-free phone number.

– After struggling with reams of dense documentation of complex options and rules, you discover that you will need publication 3297, with a ten-word-long title, in order to answer (you hope) a single obscure question. The IRS, like Microsoft, will charge a minimum of $40 for that publication.

– The IRS, like Microsoft, will continue to issue immense volumes of bug fixes, interpretations, and clarifications. However the tax-rule updates should be neither eas

Letterman’s Top Ten Signs You’re Doing Business With The Wrong Bank

10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.

9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast.

8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.

7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don’t speak English.

6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault.

5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin’ Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil.

4. All cash deposits go directly into teller’s pants.

3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.

2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED.

1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to warhammer online gold get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn’t find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.
Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, “Hey you, what are you doing?”
“I have to throw this SEO away,” replied the tourist.
“You can’t throw it away here. Look, follow me,” the policeman SEO offered.
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of warhammer online gold grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. “Here,” said the cop, “dump all the garbage you want.”
The American shrugs, opens up the large warhammer power leveling bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.
“Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?” asked the tourist.
“No. This is the American Embassy.”

If Microsoft Ran The IRS
“Government should be run like a business.” We’ve all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody’s favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).
– The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. warhammer online gold However it will follow Microsoft’s example and actually ship them warhammer online gold the following May.
– Responding to pressure from warhammer online gold some large corporations and a users’ group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be SEO released in March. The recipients must cheapest warhammer gold sign non-disclosure agreements.
– In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country’s intellectual property.
– When you move, the IRS will continue to send warhammer online gold mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product Warhammer gold upgrade notices.
– When you upgrade from form warhammer online gold 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then to 1040, you cheapest warhammer gold will pay an upgrade fee each warhammer power leveling time. Also you need to send in a new registration card and get a new Social Security Number. In order to upgrade, you have to submit the original first warhammer powerleveling page of your previous warhammer powerleveling year’s form.
– Like Microsoft, when you file a late or amended tax return the IRS will reject it on the grounds that the the prior year is no longer supported.
– The IRS telephone help will remain similar to Microsoft’s, staffed by ill-trained, high-turnover personnel who sometimes give a correct answer, but the IRS will have warhammer online gold to discontinue using a toll-free phone number.
– After struggling Warhammer gold with reams cheapest warhammer gold of dense documentation of complex options and rules, you discover that you Warhammer gold will need publication 3297, with a ten-word-long title, in order to answer (you hope) a single obscure question. The IRS, like Microsoft, will charge a minimum of $40 for that publication.
– The IRS, like Microsoft, warhammer power leveling will continue to issue immense volumes of bug fixes, interpretations, and clarifications. However the tax-rule updates should be neither eas

Letterman’s Top Ten Signs You’re Doing Business With The Wrong Bank
10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.
9. warhammer powerleveling After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast.
8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.
7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don’t speak warhammer online gold English.
6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault.
5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin’ Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil.
4. All cash deposits go directly into teller’s pants.
3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.
2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED.
1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez

Posted in 未分類 | 25 Comments »

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in th…

11月 27th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, “No way, ten dollars is ten dollars.”

The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn’t have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it’s free to watch, let’s at least watch. And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.

The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll take you up flying, and if you don’t say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could–heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the airport.

“I’m surprised, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”

A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate.

“I’ve got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?”

“I should let you know first that I am a policeman.”

“That’s OK. I’ll tell it really slow!”

“I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said… Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now.”

“I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo.”

“I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code.”

“I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying…Caution Wide Load.”

“My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker”

“One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn’t ride around her. I told her that I didn’t think I had enough gas”

“I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets.”

“I knew a girl that was so ugly that… her mother ripped in two when she had her.”

“I knew a girl that was so ugly that… She uses a septic tank for a toilet.”

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, “No way, ten dollars is ten dollars.”
The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn’t have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it’s free to watch, let’s at least watch. And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an warhammer power leveling arguement.
The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll take you up flying, and if you don’t say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.
So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could–heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Warhammer gold Finally he admited defeat and went back the airport.
“I’m SEO surprised, why didn’t you say anything?”
“Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten cheapest warhammer gold dollars.”

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“I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets.”
“I knew a girl that was so ugly that… her mother warhammer online money ripped in two when she had her.”
“I knew a girl that was so ugly that… She uses a septic tank for a cheapest warhammer gold toilet.”

Posted in 未分類 | 20 Comments »

Gold’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly

11月 26th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

Gold’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly

Goldenstern’s Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney. 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Gordian Maxim: If a string has one end, it has another.

Gordon’s First Law: If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

Gordon’s Object Lifespan Theorem: No matter the amount of care given the purchased object, it will fuse/explode/disassemble within three days of warranty expiration.

Gordon’s Warranty Law: All warranty clauses expires upon bill payment.

Yo. I ain’t here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I’ll get back… (Sniff, sniff…) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.

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Yo. I ain’t here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I’ll get back… cheapest warhammer gold (Sniff, sniff…) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.

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Posted in 未分類 | 33 Comments »

Hi! This is Mary. I’m afflicted with lysdexic procra…

11月 26th, 2008 by zhiyangnewp

Hi! This is Mary. I’m afflicted with lysdexic procrastination. Please leave your message before the tone and I’ll get around to getting it straight.

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can’t come to the phone right now. He’s either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

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